2 of my poems, tell me what you think!? - poems of forgivness
~ ~ Fight within
Internal struggle with my desire, deep, dark
My heart is frozen, but my hatred is still burning
You see, if this step too close to call
Patience is my weakness, and revenge is my game
The inner struggle with my fall
Forgivness calls and no response, continue to call
Watch where you walk in the area of thin ice
Patience is my weakness and anger is my vice
~ ~ Already Dead
Escaping the heat of laughter
Force the heat of bitter tears
Never mind thinking, pain, and after
When I felt all these years
They sell the idea of dreaming
Let the constant pain
Lost in the void, there is no redemption
What he asserts his right to take
What is to be hoped that lingers steal
Make sure that the heart has bled
Just squeeze the fingers of icy cold
Everything that the selfish RSS feeds
To kill for their own reasons to condemn me
But I'm dead
The left is the tank that makes him so sure
I was deeply voidentro
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Poems Of Forgivness 2 Of My Poems, Tell Me What You Think!?
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11 comments:
Extremely emotional pictures, excellent, good, with the text flow is sufficient to show problems after your train of thought point, but not as immpossible in all a good job, keep it.
Very good! It reminds me when my life is full of fear and despair.
I'm really sorry to sound so harsh, but I read these poems again and again. This sounds exactly like all emos write poems about. I wonder how some of my emo friends to write poetry and even tried out myself. They are especially hatred, death and pain. Vey also followed the simple forms and generics. Try to let the words flow.
really nice! so deep and meaningful! You should take your publication!
It looks good to me! which were very good
Sounds like poems goth ttho
I like "Already Dead". She had a good pace and some nice pictures. I particularly liked:
What is to be hoped that lingers steal
Make sure that the heart has bled
Just squeeze the fingers of icy cold
Everything that the selfish RSS feeds
He reads very well. Not sure of the rhyme scheme of his last four lines. Small lines feel a bit off for me when I read aloud. You can consider a revision.
But I've already died: "He should," "I" in all cases.
Good work.
Her poems are good, but I have one word for you .. Chocolate .. Believe me when I say I needed it after reading .. so depressing .. well at least this is my excuse .. lol
It was good! But I was a little sad that a ......
Both are very good. Are deep, and I can feel it. You must enter a poetry contest!
Wow ...... I'm impressed that poetry is so ... intriuging. Thanks for the great read, you should publish.
They are really good!
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